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If Lifes a Bitch & Revenge is Sweet
I would be the Sweetest Bitch that ever lived
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 カズヤ©
Kazuya, 040189Tagboard
Exits
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August 2009
September 2009
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009
nemurenai no wa naze? shizukesa ni yoishireteta shimetta heya de hitori mata kuchuzusameba munashiku nemurenai no wa naze? anata ga mieta kara shiten wa nureta yuka atama wo kashigete nemutteru shiritaku mo nai you na genjitsu ni tada mukanjou de koe mo desazu zutto matataki sura wasurete anata ni mitoreteita nemutteshimaitai nezame dake wo osorete subete wo wasuretai migatte na tawakoto ne anata no namae wo yobu kamoku ni ki ga fureru yasete kata wo tsutsumi* sakenda kagososugita nukumori ni shiritaku mo nai you na genjitsu ni fukaku kokoro obore kuchibiru wo kamitaeta namida sae imi ga nai to shitta tachi tsukusu boku no haigo no koe hakidasu wake nado dou demo yokatta tada me no mae no anata ga totemo sabishisou na kao de nani hitotsu dekinakatta jibun wo shinu hodo nikunda namae wo kureta yuiitsu no anata e kono mama soba ni itekurenai ka sou boku ni totte saisho de saigo no yasashiki 'mama' shiroi kabe ni sotto makka na e no gu de anata wo fuchidotta mada atatakai hoho wo suri yosete shizuka ni waratte miseyou ootsubu no namida ga anata to kasanatte hitotsu ni nareta ki ga shita mabuta wo toji nukumori ga kieru koro boku wa anata no soba de Why can't I sleep? I was fascinated by the silence. It is empty to talk to myself in a damp room again. Why can't I sleep? Because I saw you. You look down at the wet floor. Leaning the head while sleeping. I just didn't have any feelings for the uninteresting reality. I adoringly looked at you without saying a word and even forgetting to blink. I want to fall asleep, just feeling the fear of awaking. I want to forget everything. It is selfish nonsense. I call your name. I go mad with the silence. I shouted while holding your thin shoulder, it was too frail with warmth. I was fascinated by the uninteresting reality. I fount out that it even was meaningless that I had been borne not to cry. The voice at my back kept on. The reason was not important. Only you look so sad in front of me. I hate myself so much because I couldn't do anything for you. I tell to you, who gave me my name. Can you be beside me as it is. Yeh, for me you are the first and last 'mother'. I softly lined you with deep red color on the white wall. I came close, the still warm cheek. I just smiled calmly. A big teardrop was filled with you. And I felt we could become one. The time when the eyelids close and the warmth is gone, I am beside you. Saturday, August 29, 2009
do you know how much pain am i suffering through now ? do you know what are distressed sleeps ? do you know what are agonies ? do you know what is torturing ? guess not . cause I'm the one facing it . Friday, August 21, 2009
everyone , please stop asking . unless i tell you . please stop asking . in simple , i was just an OPTION ok ? another meaning for substitute ok ? thanks , stop asking =) Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Hey Michelle , i know that you would be reading this . I'm not here to curse and swear no more , i just wanna complete from where i stopped . First and foremost , i'm not really good at words now , so just bare with me ya ? well , i always knew something about you . when i treat you bad , the more you fight to stay . the better i treat you , the further you distant away . I'm not going to type here what happened last night . those that should know , already knows about it . those that does not , keep it that way . i know writing this will piss many people off , please forgive me , i have to do it . Michelle , you are this really little special girl in my heart . the one that i thought if i dont scold , you won't learn . guess i was wrong again . all i wanted out of you is a brighter future , whats so bad about being a model ? a good one ? a professional one ? I'm sorry for crashing many of your dreams , all the one that you thought was beautiful , so many i thought for my own sake only . i have always been selfish , i always wanted you to myself . because i was truely madly deeply in love with you . everything now i do , i see , i think of you . everyone that talks to me , somehow reminds me of you . all this memories flashing me back into the past . the movie that we met and i sent you home . the quarrels you had with your parents , dickson , your family , movies we had , the chalet , the beach , the toumei youmeis , cassis , love story , daiso , the beauty salon , the gown fitting , the sunday classes i skipped . so many more , flashing back every little second since last week , i dont dare to tell you i've not been sleeping , i don't dare to tell you i've been seriously ill , i just dint want you to be burden by me again . but , a little too late . I could say , i expected this coming , real soon . but the way you did it , was rather heart shattering . i dont blame you . i really dont . lets just say we are not fated . i've put so much effort in this relationship , done much without complains . and all in return is 3 words that i wanted to hear . people talked to me , 5months only ma ! whats so big deal about it ? forget about her , find someone else ! but , now you have left me , life became so empty , so colorless , so motionless . as what my friend said is true , is what you wake up to every morning shows the hurt in you . yes i do , i feel it already . sleepless i am , i've been staring at my phone whole night , hoping the next beep would be you . but non of them was , just more consoling messages from friends . at least now i know , not to let them down . i will play my music from now on . and if i have to carry this pain . i will . i know you all will hate me for this . but michelle , i will be keeping one thing with me . i wont be throwing anything of us away . cause i dont believe in it . like you dint believe in the superstitions i believed . although i still have lots to say to you , but , take care michelle , i'm happy that you found your pillar , someone that you can lay on . all the best michelle carolyn pereira . a name miyuki has never been release in my life to anyone before , because is was that person called miyuki , gave me the name kazuya . i thought you gave me life . but be happy now =) go =) and if you are wondering who is she , shes my god mom that passed away already when i was 16 . take good care of yourself miyuki , Kazuya X) mummy said , if you really love someone , wish that she would be happy =) isnt all this growing up in life ? i'm carrying this hurt in my heart , and i will carry on my way . Tuesday, August 18, 2009
real love never stops no matter hw fcked u are and sis, fcked up so what? We love you to bits. You have her birthday party with bibi to look forward to! Also , ps. SUITE STAY CHEER! WEEeee cakee Labels: and we will always catch you when you fall |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
i will be your superman |
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